On the day that was and would be our wedding anniversary, it is important to me to remember the first great love of my life, Karsten Soltauer. I’m always conflicted about milestones that represent significant days with loved ones after
Everything gets into everything
Although I lived in Chicago for many St. Patrick’s Days, there was only one year I actually saw the boats out dyeing the river green, and that was in 2003 as I walked to the court house with the first
Love on your people
Five years ago today was the last day I got to spend with Karsten, although of course I didn’t know it at the time. People always think that if they could have a day back to spend with someone who’s
Three Years
There’s a lot of mysticism about the number three and its special role in the universe. Some say it’s the strongest number, because the triangle is the most stable physical shape. That makes a strange sort of sense to me today. Today
Dates and Numbers
My mind has always been mildly obsessed with numbers. Words, too, but in a different way. You know that scene in “A Beautiful Mind” when John Nash, played by Russell Crowe, is looking at the coded numbers on the wall and
Surviving the First Year
Tomorrow, June 25th, it will have been one year since Karsten died. I’ve gained a vast amount of insight about life in the last year. I learned that the initial year after you lose someone is sometimes called “the year
So long, 2012, you axe-wielding psycho.
I’ll tell you straight up: 2012 seemed as if it came at me like a psycho with an axe. I mean, intense personal loss is usually enough to color the character of an entire calendar year. Going through a nearly year-long period of physical pain would…
Mixed metaphors, and life after death
You might not know it by what I’ve written here in the last few months, but I swear I can be a whole lot of fun. I really do think about many topics besides death. I laugh far, far more often than I cry. And I smile most of the time. I just do. Bu…
On choosing what to keep
Tomorrow it will have been four weeks since Karsten died. Wednesday will be one month. Dates have been whizzing by me while I try to get back to my life, to the extent that that’s been possible, and I find here and there I’ve lost track of how man…
Seeing through the swirl
The human condition, I suppose, is to be capable of deep, thorough, feel-it-ache-in-your-bones love, and to be mortal anyway, and know you’ll someday lose it, one way or the other. It is, inevitably, not fair. My partner/husband/best friend/co-con…